081111

Lately it's been hard for me to put on a real smile..
It's been hard for me to be optimistic and positive on things when everything is just bringing and weighing me down..
People ask if I'm OK and I just reply that I'm fine with a fake smirk that takes so much strength to put on..

I feel like I can break down into tears at any second..
I feel like a certain song or something that can take me back will eventually leave me in my own tears..
I want to feel as OK as I say that I am..
I want to feel like everything is OK..
Lately..It's just been hard..
I'm trying to find the strength..
I'm just trying..
Because..

Nobody knows how many times I've faked a smile..
How many times I've cried..
How many times I've been hurt..
Nobody knows how many times I've had to hold back my tears..
How many times I've been let down..
How many times I've been walked out on..
Nobody knows how many times I've felt like falling apart but I keep it together for those around me..
How many times I've been kicked when I was down..
How many times I scream..
Nobody knows how many times I've forgotten how it feels to be happy..
Or how long I've been waiting for things to get better..
Sometimes I wonder who knows the difference between how I pretend I feel and how I truly feel..